...I'd get off and buy a 40 from the 7eleven I lived next to, for some reason would never card me. Probably because I was - cool universe willing him to - through the eyes. Probably because we'd been running out of that store with alcohol (when we were broke and The few times I would be out for a month or two) since I was 14 and they might have just been happy with me, paying w/ the cash. Maybe obviously just because I was kind of built from sports, training, camp and I looked the part like I could be old enough… and a lot of people, not all people, but a lot of people just used to be a lot cooler. More realistic, “down to earth” …about normal stuff; could really care less and would kind of treat you like a person and act like people (I do feel kind of sad here and then again, have a happy thought and miss those times) ...and I'd sit out in this traffic area where I lived til 1, 2 in the morning and catch whatever $ came through

it was eerie strange dream too. crazy dream, dark. Some things multiple; like everything (just really scary darkness but like people (but just three guys. I understand now) arms waving yelling calling her back... I was worried or scared and I was trying to save her but I don't remember actually seeing or having a body in the dream... (maybe I was there in the beginning and she was running running) Only part there, like a spirit

I remember thinking, I really am crazy because it would have been the perfect thing to breakthrough. to tell her I wanted to be with her but for some reason I just couldn't overcome some great fear I had; to stop and tell her. I don't even know what it was or if it was real. the fear. I used to like to think it was from God to keep me for some reason. By the end of the dream, I was already behind her... running away, trying to get away from everything. Or maybe she was running to something

I remember Kind of Feeling like that was Almost telling... I was already behind her (a little insecurity, some immaturity... I Obviously needed to work through and figure out) I did imagine that had I been able to be with her it would have been the normal typical crazy substantial lifetaker hold, Gone cold cross and falling through... like a good part of more relationships do, since I've known them to be. (you get the feeling it's normally not worth it to people. they just don't have the care or the ability, time or energy - to the work - it would require to "relationship" anything worthwhile, substantial or meaningful more than pleasure. you can see, it just can't possibly hold the value of the effort it would require to be) it seems like that's just the way it is a lot, people do grow out of each other... they become tired, inadequate and find a fresh flame: the world is becoming byproduct, derivative substance or fecal matter... if you will. of the greater nature, pleasure: coming to pasture -the ideal and superior substance of "people" ...determined a w-hole s(a)ole of judgment and decision, ...love, truth, religion. Devouring people; sh***ting out, angelic jellyfish digesting of the sea, ocean. None of this really has anything to do with the story and

By the end of the Summer, she was like, showing me her ticket to Italy. messing with me saying, she was going to go meet some hot Italian guy... I was so lame I just felt sad. I even had another chance, a year or two later at some random house party by Chaperel or... backyard with a empty pool, hanging out with my homey Kimo. I talked to her, I was like bu'b'bp... Stuttering. (What have you been up to.?.) Retard. I did the same thing.

My friend was like, dang. You know her? I was like, yep